


The 1st (and Last) Time the Afton's Buy a Parrot

by TrashySwitch



Category: Five Nights at Freddy's
Genre: Dark Comedy, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Pet Owner William Afton | Dave Miller, Teasing, lee!Michael, ler!dexter, ler!elizabeth, switch!henry, switch!william, ticklefic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:53:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27630304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashySwitch/pseuds/TrashySwitch
Summary: Go to the pet store, they said! Buy this talking Parrot, they said! It'll be fun, they said!Well...William slowly learns the pros and cons of buying their blue and grey Indian Ringneck parakeet.
Relationships: Elizabeth Afton & William Afton | Dave Miller, Michael Afton & William Afton | Dave Miller, William Afton | Dave Miller/Mrs. Afton, William Afton | Dave Miller/Original Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 32





	The 1st (and Last) Time the Afton's Buy a Parrot

**Author's Note:**

> So...Things have not been going so great. I've hit a severe road block in my steps into finding a job, and now...I'm starting the resume process all over again. Kinda pissed about it, not gonna lie. But, typing up this fanfic has helped me keep some of my sanity. So, I owe it all to my patient family members and friends who have had to deal with my agitated and unusually impatient self during my job struggles AND my period week amidst that. 
> 
> Thank you so much. I am now past that, and looking for something new. While I wait, here's a brand new, super long FNAF fanfic for you. Enjoy!

“He said my name! Daddy! He said my name!” 

“O-Oh my! Did-did it just make a smooching noise? That’s so cute!” 

“Can we pleeeaaaase get him?” 

“*ahem* How much for a parrot?” 

“$400.” 

“$400?!” 

“This Indian Ringneck is actually quite cheap compared to the average price which can be between $500 and $700.” 

“I...Oh.” 

Before he knew it, the parrot was in a take-home cage, saying bye to the pet shop workers as they left with their new friend: Dexter the parrot. It was already taught a name beforehand, and the kids seemed to love it! So, they kept it. The family took the time to set up the bird cage and the climbing items so the bird can fly around and join in the house drama. 

It sure didn’t take long for the parrot to start picking up on words either! Dexter’s first word had been “Good morning!”, which he repeated to everyone in the house! It was really funny hearing Dexter pick up on certain repeated words. Sometimes, there were moments when Michael or Elizabeth would play peek-a-boo with Dexter! 

“Peek-a-boo!” Michael cooed. 

Dexter bobbed his head down, before popping it back! “Peekaboo!” Dexter said quickly. 

“Yaaaay! He did it! Peekaboo!” Elizabeth cheered. 

Dexter bobbed his head down and brought it back up again! “Peekaboo!” Dexter reacted. 

Michael chuckled. “Yaay! Go Dexter!” he cheered. 

At one point, Dexter had been watching William tickle little Chris. “Coochy coochy coo! A coochycoochycoo! A coochycoochycoochycoo!” William repeated over and over again. Chris  
was laughing happily and giggling at William’s silly words, while Dexter was studying his words very carefully. 

The next morning, Chris ran down the stairs with his backpack. “Hi Dexter!” Chris greeted. 

“Good morning!” Dexter replied. 

“Hi!” Chris said again. 

“Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter teased suddenly. 

Chris bursted out laughing and pointed at the parrot. “HEHEHE TEHEHEASED MEHEHE!” Chris yelled. 

Clara heard the whole exchange from the kitchen, and was giggling as well. It didn’t take long for William to come downstairs in his work shirt. “Hey William...I think Dexter may have learned your teasing method.” Clara warned him with a smirk. William’s eyes widened in horror before he turned to look at the bird on the table. 

Dexter looked at William. “Hi Will!” He greeted. 

“Hi Dexter!” William said back. 

“Hi Dexter!” Dexter repeated. 

“Yup, that’s what I said.” William replied. 

Dexter let out a whistle. “Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter cooed. 

William was taken back, while both his wife and his youngest were laughing themselves silly. “How dare!” William reacted, going closer to the parrot. 

“Bye!” Dexter said back. 

“Nope. I’m not leaving.” William let him know. 

Dexter bobbed his head down, and looked back up. “Peekaboo!” Dexter exclaimed. William hung his head and held back a laugh. “Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter added. 

“Hey now! No Coochy coochy coo.” William warned. 

“Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter said back. 

“What did I just say?” William asked. 

“Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter repeated. 

“NO coochy coochy coo!” William yelled at him. 

“Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter repeated. 

“Quit the teasing.” William ordered, pointing his finger at the bird. 

Dexter looked at the index finger, before jumping his legs onto it and looking William in the eye. “Coochycoochycoo!” 

Finally, William tapped out of the argument. Chris was laughing his head off, and his wife was giggling and shaking her head. 

Ever since that little argument, William would sometimes get into ‘arguments’ with the parrot. As Dexter’s vocabulary got better and better, the arguments became more word-oriented and fleshed out. The arguments were still meaningless, but it was still fun to watch and laugh. 

“I love you!” Dexter said. 

“You love me?” William reacted. 

“I love you!” Dexter repeated. 

“How dare you love me.” William teased. Dexter jumped onto his shoulder and pecked his cheek, making a kissing sound. William smiled. “Shucks, Dexter! You’re making me blush!” William reacted. 

“Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter cooed. 

William sighed. “Aaaand we’re back to the teasing.” William muttered. 

“Peekaboo!” Dexter said after. 

“Peekaboo? Alright.” William covered his face with his hand, and uncovered it. “Peekaboo!” Dexter let out a laugh, that sounded a little like a witch. William wheezed and laughed at that. “What was THAT?!” He reacted. “Is that what your laugh sounds like?! It’s demonic!” William reacted. 

Dexter bobbed his head down and lifted it back up again. “Peekaboo!” Dexter reacted. 

William only giggled at that. “You’re so weird.” 

“I love you!” Dexter repeated. 

“I love you too, Dexter.” William replied, scratching under his chin. 

A little bit later, Dexter managed to learn a few new sounds! The latest sound was like a snoring sound...Almost, to the point where Elizabeth wondered if Dexter had learned William’s snoring sound. But, William mentioned how short the sound was. Therefore: it couldn’t have been his snoring sound.

Things finally clicked when some of the family members started laughing together. Picking up on the social signal, Dexter started laughing in his witchy laugh as well! Usually in the middle of the laughing, Michael’s signature snorting would show up. This would end up putting the family into hysterics all over again! And then the moment Dexter heard that, he started making the short snore sound! Suddenly, everything made sense! 

Michael covered his mouth in horror! “Oh no!” Michael whined. “He learned my snort!” Michael exclaimed. William and the family LOST it after that! Michael was absolutely embarrassed! Now whenever Dexter would laugh, he could snort exactly like Michael would in between laughs! 

Speaking of Michael embarrassed, Dexter quickly learned that he could get the best reactions to his teasing out of Michael! Dexter would hang out on his shoulder and either just sit there and watch Micheal do homework, or he would talk to him in his own little way. 

“Math time!” Dexter declared. 

Michael laughed. “Dexter, this is english!” He reacted. 

“Hi Michael!” Dexter greeted. 

“Hi Dexter.” Michael replied, petting his head. 

Dexter jumped down off his shoulder and stood on the corner of the table. Dexter bobbed his head down and lifted it back up. “Peekaboo!” Dexter declared. 

“Not now. I’m busy.” Michael told him. 

Dexter let out a chirp. “Time for work!” Dexter said. 

“Yyyup. Time for homework.” Michael told him. 

“Pleeeeaaaase?” Dexter asked, imitating Elizabeth’s whiny begs. 

Michael chuckled. “Please what?” he asked. 

“Math time!” Dexter repeated. 

“This is english. No math time. I did my math already.” Michael told him. 

Dexter hopped up to Michael’s cheek, pecked it with his beak and made a kissy noise. “I Love you!” Dexter said to him. 

Michael smiled. “I love you too, Dexter.” He replied. 

Dexter repeated his kiss. “I love you too!” Dexter repeated. 

Michael started to blush a little. “I know you love me.” Michael replied. 

Dexter gave him another cheek kiss. “Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter teased. 

Michael whined and dropped his head into his writing arm. “Ihihi cahahan’t fohohocus!” Michael whined. Dexter let out a little laugh and a snort. That just made Michael’s face turn even more red. “Stahahap repeating my snort! I know it’s stupid! I don’t need a living record player repeating that for me!” Michael whined. 

“Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter repeated. 

Michael whined again and pushed him a little with his finger. “Staaahahap.” Michael whined. 

“Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter said yet again. 

“Moooom, Dexter’s teasing meee!” Michael whined. 

William chuckled from the other room. “Can’t handle the coochycoochycoo’s?” William asked, walking out to the kitchen. 

“Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter repeated. 

“Dehehexteher, I swehehear!” Michael whined in slight agitation. 

“Awww! Micey’s getting all flustered now!” William teased, walking up beside his son. 

“NOhoho, Dahahad, don’t you dahahare!” Michael warned. “Ihihi’ll gehet you back!” Michael threatened. 

“No you won’t.” William replied back. “Not if Dexter keeps up the teases.” William added as he started squeezing his sides. 

“HEHEHEHAhahahaha! Dahahad nohohohoho!” Michael laughed, wrapping his arms around his sides and wiggling around in his seat. 

“I think what you’re trying to say, is Dad YES!” William replied as he wiggled a finger in his belly button. 

“NohohOHOHOHO! NAHAT MYHYHY BEHEHELLY BUHUHUTTOHOHON!” Michael shouted. 

“Coochycoochycoo! Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter was repeating to Michael. 

“Yeah, you tell him, Dexter. Coochy coochy coo! A coochy coochy coo!” William teased further. 

“Coochycoochycoo!” Dexter repeated. 

“STAHAHAP IHIHIHIT BOHOHOTH OHOF YOHOHOHOU!” Michael begged. 

To make matters worse, William had grabbed Dexter and placed him on the top back of the chair. “There! Get his ear, Dexter! Tickle his ear!” William encouraged while holding his son back against the chair so he couldn’t move forward. Dexter started pecking at his ear and his neck, making Michael squeak and shake his head around. 

“NOhohohoho! Stahahahap ihihihit Dehehexteheher!” Michael begged. 

In reaction, Dexter laughed and imitated his snort. Hearing Dexter be such a teasy nut, made William laugh like there was no tomorrow. 

“Hi Michael!” Dexter greeted. 

“Stahahap tihihicklihing mehehe! Ihihihi hahahave hohohomewohohork!” Michael giggled at them both. 

Dexter suddenly grew distracted. “Math time!” Dexter said. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” William said to Dexter. 

“Ahagain, it’s ENGLISH!” Michael yelled at Dexter, getting right into his face. 

Michael stared at Dexter with intense eyes. Dexter tilted his head to the side slightly, before leaning in…

“Mwah! Kisses!” Dexter declared. “I love you!” Dexter repeated. 

Michael whined and smacked his head against the desk in defeat, while William just laughed at them. 

One time, Henry had been visiting. Dexter had grown to LOVE Dexter, and surprisingly, vice versa as well! Dexter started adding the name ‘Henry’ to his vocabulary. 

“Henry!” Dexter said, flying to the man and standing on his head. “Hi Henry!” Dexter greeted. 

Henry laughed a little and tried not to move his head very much. “Hi Dexter!” Henry greeted back. William tapped onto the stair rack to show Dexter where to go. Catching onto the signal, Dexter flew there. “Okay. Come here, Dexter!” Henry encouraged the bird by showing his somewhat curled hand to land on. Without a second thought, Dexter flew to Henry and landed on his finger. “Hi little nerd!” Henry greeted, scratching under his chin. 

“Hi Henry!” Dexter greeted. 

“Awww...Of course you’re choosing the guest over us.” William complained a little. 

“A little jealous?” Henry joked. 

“No way, me?! Naaah.” William replied, keeping a confident front. 

Henry laughed and allowed the kids to overwhelm him. 

“Hi Uncle Henry!” Elizabeth greeted. 

“Uncle Henryyyy!” Chris yelled. 

“Hi Lizzie! Hi Chris!” Henry greeted. 

“Come play with us!” Chris begged. 

“Yeah! We’re playing tea party!” Elizabeth told him. 

“No we’re not! We’re playing cowboys!” Chris whined. 

“Tea Party!” Elizabeth fought. 

“Cowboys! And Henry can be the horse!” Chris declared. 

William widened his eyes. “Now wait a se-” 

“Henry might not wanna be the horse!” Elizabeth interrupted. William waved his hand to Elizabeth, showing Chris she’s right. “You need to ask him first before you jump onto his back!” Elizabeth told Chris, recalling the same situation from when she was younger. 

Chris turned to Henry with his famous puppy eyes. “Henry? Do you wanna be the horse?” Chris asked. 

Henry giggled and shook his head. “I’d love to!” Henry replied. 

William sighed and let a small smile grow onto his face. “How are you so patient with them?” William asked as he followed a child-surrounded Henry to the living room. 

“I don’t know. I guess it’s just who I am.” Henry replied as he went into the crawling position. “Now, no kicking. Okay? Don’t kick me to get me to go, use your words.” Henry warned before he started playing the horse. 

“Go horsey go!” Chris declared excitedly. Henry started crawling on his request. As he was crawling around and being the horse, Dexter flew to Elizabeth’s hand. 

“MOOO!” Dexter declared. 

Elizabeth turned her head to Dexter in pure confusion. “Whaaaaa?” 

William bursted out laughing and doubled over, while Henry hung his head and giggled. “Thahat’s not the sound a horse makes, Dexter.” Henry told him. 

Suddenly, Dexter made a car alarm sound! Henry lifted an eyebrow and looked up at William. William’s laughter had stopped, and he was now hiding his face in his hands. “I set off the car alarm one time...and Dexter catches on and starts imitating the sound.” William admitted. 

“Wow! This bird’s amazing! He’s smart, yet dumb all at once!” Henry reacted. 

William chuckled as Dexter flew up to him on the couch armrest. “Hi Dexter.” William greeted. 

“Hi Dexter!” Dexter repeated. 

“Mm hmm...That’s what I said.” William told him. 

“Pleeeeaaaase?” Dexter asked. 

“Please what?” William asked. 

“Math time!” Dexter replied. 

“Math is boring.” William told him. 

“Pleeeeaaaase?” Dexter pleaded. 

“No math. No homework. It’s playtime.” William told Dexter. 

“Mooo!” Dexter shouted. 

“That’s not a cow. That’s a horse.” William told Dexter, pointing to Henry. 

“Hi Henry!” Dexter said. 

Henry chuckled and shook his head as he made a neighing sound. 

“Hi Michael!” Dexter greeted. 

The kids laughed at that. “Henry’s not Michael!” Elizabeth reacted. 

William sighed and rubbed his nose. “Michael’s not even here right now.” 

“Hi Michael!” Dexter repeated. 

“Michael is gone.” William told him. 

“Hi Michael!” Dexter repeated again. 

“Dexter. Mike, is NOT, HERE.” William repeated, getting close to his face. 

Dexter stared at William for a moment. “Coochycoochycoo!” 

“Oh. Now you’re teasing me. Newsflash: teasing doesn’t work on me.” William told him. 

“Time for work!” Dexter declared. 

“I’m done work, Dexter.” William told him. 

“Peekaboo!” Dexter declared. 

“No.” William said back, growing visibly angry. 

Dexter bobbed his head down and rose it back up. “Peekaboo!” Dexter declared. 

“No peekaboo.” William told him. 

Suddenly, Dexter squawked and opened his wings to him! William actually jumped and yelped! But that just ended up making William frown even more. William waved his hand towards Dexter to get him off. “Get outta here.” William ordered. 

“No.” Dexter said back. 

Elizabeth’s eyes widened as she looked to Chris with worry. “Uh oh…” Chris muttered to her. 

“Leave. Me. Alone. Bird.” William warned. 

“I’m Dexter!” Dexter greeted as if he was introducing himself to William for the first time. 

Finally, William flicked Dexter’s chest and knocked him onto the floor. “Dad! Be nice!” Elizabeth yelled at him. “He doesn’t know much better.” Elizabeth told him as he tried to take Dexter away. But Dexter refused to go down without another fight. He flew up to the armrest and squawked at him again. William flinched a bit, and…

...smirked? 

William leaned in towards the parrot. “How would you like to be cooked?” William asked. 

Henry dropped his jaw. “WILLIAM!” He shouted. 

“Time to eat!” Dexter replied. 

“Oooh yes, time to eat...You.” William said with an eeeeevil grin. 

“Seeds please!” Dexter asked. 

“Oh? You want some sunflower seeds surrounding your roasted body? Oohoho…” William leaned back and placed his index fingers onto his lips. “That can be arranged.” 

“Daddy! Stop it!” Elizabeth yelled. 

“What? Worried I’m gonna fight him? Tie him down? Cover him in oil?” William asked her. 

Elizabeth whined and threw a pillow at him. “It’s not funny!” Elizabeth yelled to him. 

“Food time!” Dexter said happily. 

“See? He wants to become food!” William told her, pointing to Dexter. 

“No he doesn’t! He wants to EAT food! Not BECOME food!” Elizabeth told him. 

“Why are we even JOKING about this, Will?!” Henry asked him. 

“Fight me!” Dexter yelled at him. 

Suddenly, everything stopped. Both kids were staring at the parrot with big smiles on their faces. Henry was smirking and ready to cheer the bird on, while William looked awestruck by Dexter’s sudden ability to stand up to himself. “What did you just say?” William asked him, dumbfounded. 

Dexter jumped at William again. “Fight me! Fight me!” Dexter yelled at him. 

Elizabeth bursted out laughing and rolled all across the floor. Even Henry was laughing a little. “He’s getting smart, even for a parrot! You’d better be careful, William. He’s reaching droid-levels of intelligence.” Henry warned with a smirk. 

“You want me to fight you?” William asked. 

“Fight me! Fight me! Fight me!” Dexter repeated, jumping around. 

“You wanna fight me? I could easily end you.” William reacted. 

Finally, Henry grabbed William’s foot. “Aaaaalright, that’s enough.” Henry told him as he pulled him right off the sofa and flopped him onto the ground. 

“HEY! What was that for?!” He yelled. 

Henry laughed. “You’re threatening the bird a liiiittle too much. You need to cool it.” Henry told him. “Kids? What do ya say we tickle pile him?” Henry suggested. 

“YES!” They both declared excitedly. 

William’s eyes widened in fear and horror. “Wait, WHAT?! No, no no no HOLD ON-” 

Elizabeth and Chris puppy-piled their father while Henry went for William’s feet. “Does Willy Wonka have ticklish walkers?” Henry asked, skittering his fingers on both of his arches. 

“NOHOHOHOHAHAHA! GUHUHUHUHYS!” William yelled, falling into a laughing fit. Elizabeth started raspberrying his belly, making up for all the raspberries he’s blown onto her. “WAHAHAHAIT! EHEHELIHIHIZABEHEHEHETH!” William shouted. “NOHOHOHOHOHO RAHAHAHASPBEHEHEHERRIHIHIES!” William begged. 

“But Daddy needs ALL the raspberries!” Elizabeth told him right back. 

“Yeeeaaah! And Daddy also needs his speeecial ribby spiders!” Henry declared, skittering his fingers up and down his ribs like spiders. 

“NOHOHOHOHO GAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” William’s laughter quickly went silent as he rolled himself onto his stomach. 

Henry quickly retreated his fingers and laid down beside him. “You okay? You calm now? You done threatening Dexter?” Henry asked. 

“Nope!” William started squeezing Henry’s side and got up to keep tickle attacking him. 

“Whahahat thehehe- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WIHIHIHILLIAHAHAHAM NOHOHOHO!” Henry yelled, laughing and wiggling around under him. 

“I think the right answer is, William yes.” William replied proudly before blowing a raspberry onto his side. 

“YYYAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Henry shrieked in pure surprise. Henry continued to fall into the rabbit hole of endless hysterics! And to make things even funnier…

“YYYAAAAAAAAAA!” 

...Looks like Dexter added yet another sound to his vocabulary.


End file.
